A harmonious home life is everyone's dream. However, not all married couples can maintain the integrity of their household. Quite commonly, both sides decide to divorce. Divorce may be the last option for married couples who will only continue to hurt each other if they remain within the marriage. If divorce is inevitable, it is important to prepare everything to minimize the negative impact that may occur.

Of particular importance is ensuring children are prepared. Not all children understand why their father and mother need to separate. If it is necessary that divorce becomes an option, it is imperative children are prepared to cope with the circumstances that may arise from the separation of their parents, in an effort to reduce the trauma or long-term adverse effects that may arise for children. 

It is fundamental children are supported and assisted to deal with this process, and the impact of parental divorce. Here are some steps that can be undertaken:

Firstly, invite the children to talk. Regardless of the age of the child, tell them that the divorce process is taking place. Use words and language appropriate for the child’s age, and simply explain to them that in the near future there will be a separation between the two parents.

It should be emphasized that informing the child of the divorce should only be done when both parents have agreed the divorce will definitely happen thus, minimising the occurrence of prolonged anxiety. Be sure to explain to the child that it is not their fault that the divorce is happening, and that they are in no way responsible for this divorce. 

Secondly, explain the reason for divorce honestly. If children ask why their mother and father are getting a divorce, answer the child’s question clearly and honestly, without delving into information about the parent’s personal lives that are unnecessary or inappropriate for the child to know.  

Thirdly, inform and discuss the child’s life plan for the future. Informing children of divorce plans should also be accompanied by providing details of what the child’s life will be like in the future. For example, whether they will need to change schools, and when and how often they will see their father/mother, depending on which party is leaving the family home.

Fourthly, give the child time to digest this information. After informing the child about the divorce, allow them to have some time to process and understand the situation. It is possible the child may not immediately understand what is happening while the parents are explaining the divorce, as they may be feeling upset and anxious. After informing the child about the divorce, it is important parents allow their children to have the opportunity to ask any questions, or comment on their understanding of the information they have just received.

Fifthly, communicate actively with the child. Commonly, children will need a chance to express grief or anger, it is important they are given the opportunity and room to be able to communicate these feelings. Allow the child to pour their heart out. If the child asks, or pleads the parents to reunite and stay in the marriage, be sure to provide honest and clear answers about the conditions of marriage. 

Not Disgusting

In addition to the above five steps, it is also important you are mindful of the following factors when preparing your children for their parents’ divorce. We recommend husbands and wives do not vilify the other person, nor should they speak ill of their children or other family members. This is highly important, as if it does occur, it is likely it will only exacerbate the divorce and make the whole situation more difficult for the child. Often, in some cases of divorce, anger towards a spouse encourages parents to speak negatively, or detail the partner’s wrongdoings to the child. Defaming a partner in front of the child will only hurt the child's feelings. If you feel the need to say the real thing, it's better to do so with minimal judgment. For example, "He often behaves in a way that hurts others when he is angry," rather than saying "He just wants to win by himself, his behavior is like a bouncer".

Next, be cooperative with your partner. This could be a difficult job for married couples who are in the process of divorce. Make an agreement and commitment that divorce process can be faster and easier when husbands and wife are able to work together. Talk about who will tell the child about separation, how to deliver it, with whom the child will live after the breakup, and how to arrange a meeting with the child when they are living separately to their mother or father.

Sharing Feelings

If parents need to share their feelings with children, wait until you are at an emotional level you are able to control. Parents can share their feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or others, whilst encouraging children to be open about their feelings.

Anxiety about losing a parent may come to the child after the realization that they will be living apart from one of their parents. This anxiety often increases when children have to meet with their school friends or play communities. Parents should respond promptly by informing the child they will always have two parents, regardless of the fact that one parent may live separately from the child. Both the father and mother of the child will retain the same level of responsibility as they did when they were still living with the child. Parents should be open and willing to listen to any complaints from the child regarding this situation. They should be ready to hear complaints, to provide support, ready to provide direction and demonstrate consideration towards the child’s feelings and comments, and so on. This explanation is intended to demonstrate and explain to the child that everything will remain the same, aside from one parent living at a separate residence to them.

Furthermore, the family should always try to keep the atmosphere positive. Creating a positive atmosphere will help to assure the child everything will be okay. The minimum effort that should be done is ensure everyone who lives at home is comfortable.

The steps above may not be easy to do, but if attempted, we are hopeful this will minimise the impact of the divorce for children.

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Author: Defirentia One, Program development officer at Rifka Annisa

Translated by Kathleen Sherrin, intern student from Charles Darwin University, Australia

PROCEDURES

1. No later than one month before the commencement of the internship, the student must submit an official internship letter from his/her university or another institution (letter of introduction) supplemented with an internship plan proposal addressed to the Director of Rifka Annisa
2. Proposals submitted should include the following items:
   • The purpose of the internship
   • Benefits for students, universities, and institutions
   • Plan for activities to be carried out, including time frame and output
   • Design of measuring tools or other tools that will be used
3. HRD coordinates with the intended Division, also to determine Supervisor (SPV) for the interns.
4. Each intern will have SPV (supervisor) in the intended division. SPV will be determined by mutual agreement in the intended division. The job of SPV are:
   • Assisting the interns to perform their internship and achieve their internship objectives in accordance with the agreed purposes.
   • Review the intern at the end of each week and the end of the internship with HRD.
   • Conduct an evaluation with HRD and Manager (if any assessment from the University is required)
5. Students must fill in an Internship Application Form accompanied with a photocopy of an ID card, student card and passport (3 x 4); one sheet is needed on the first day of internship.
6. The HRD and the division in question will hold an institutional orientation session for interns for one day.
7. Interns will follow the internship process in accordance with the agreed upon plan between the student and the division in question, as well as work within the procedures and regulations of the concerned Division.
8. Interns are required to report activities that have been conducted for one week to the SPV, Division Manager, and HRD.
9. Interns must consult SPV, Division Manager, or HRD about material reports.
10. Interns must submit a report of proceedings no later than one month after the completion of the internship.
11. The duration of an internship is a minimum of two months, except in some cases where such a two month duration is not possible.
12. Once the report is submitted to Rifka Annisa, the intern may request the issuance of an Internship Certificate.
13. Interns must follow the rules that apply in the organization of Rifka Annisa and must uphold the professional ethics.

Rifka Annisa reserves the right to limit the number of interns accepted, considering their potential effectiveness and the potential workload of each division.

For further information, please contact:

Rifka Annisa Jl. Jambon IV Komplek Jatimulyo Indah 55242

Phone/Fax. 0274-553333 or email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Volunteers are our strength. Our volunteers made contributions in various fields, such as providing psychological and legal assistance in handling women victims of violence, aiding with media and design, developing technology and information systems, doing campaign and advocacy, organizing and empowering communities of both adolescents and adults, and becoming contributors. These volunteers may be either administrational or professional.

As the organization continues to grow, many new methods to combat violence against women will certainly arise, and along with these developments, the need for good volunteers in new fields will inevitably persist.

What Will Volunteers Get From This Experience?

What will you choose? An experience to support your future career or one of contribution in an effort to serve the community according to your skill set?

Regardless of your choice, being a volunteer in Rifka Annisa will benefit you and the community alike.

• A wide range of training based on gender-based violence, with topics including feminism, counseling, legal issues, masculinity, media and social change, organization, and so on.

• The opportunity to attend many trainings and conferences worldwide with scholarships.

• The opportunity to pursue higher education with scholarships, in cooperation with Rifka Annisa and the university in question.

• The opportunity to work as a resource facilitator; to be involved with the various events related to gender-based violence against women, both in Indonesia and overseas.

• The experience working with colleagues from various social and cultural backgrounds in a dynamic and familial work environment.

• The exposure to new issues pertaining to human rights and gender-based violence against women.

• A valuable experience that you can display proudly in your CV.

How to Join?

If you are interested in applying to become a volunteer, please send your CV and Motivation Letter via email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., listing your field of expertise or interest in the email subject. Once your CV and Motivation Letter are received, we will tailor it to our needs. If you qualify as a volunteer, there will be an initial training process and some commitment that we both agree upon.